Can you believe that it has been almost a month since I last wrote anything here? To be honest, there have been various moments within that time where I have considered giving up the blog completely, purely because it feels like I have run out of insightful things to say. Although 2021 has only just started, I find myself exhausted by all that it has brought, you know? My brain has found everything slightly difficult to handle (which is probably an understatement), making it somewhat impossible to organise my thoughts in any kind of meaningful way. Still, if at least one person can relate to the weird sense of being suffocated by current events, then maybe allowing myself some vulnerability here is worthwhile.
So far, a recurring theme is my lifelong attempt to avoid feeling disabled, in any way that I can. From the optimism that surrounded my previous post, it’s clear that I was beginning to find different (and healthy) strategies for distraction. Oddly enough, I was slowly becoming more comfortable within the uncertainty, desperate to believe that better days would soon be on the horizon. Then, we entered into yet another period of lockdown restrictions. Each time this happens, I’m reminded that my version of normality will never be the same as everyone else’s — there’s always going to be something in the way, something that the vast majority of people will never be able to grasp. Almost overnight, the precarious balancing act that had been whirring inside my mind simply began to crumble. To be totally transparent, I don’t leave my bed unless absolutely necessary anymore. By extension, I also don’t wear anything but pyjamas, unless there’s a very specific reason for me to look like I have my life together. Otherwise, what’s the point?
Right now, the negativity seems to be seeping in from all angles. Slowly, I’m learning that sometimes it’s important to hold hands with the darkness until I feel ready to dig myself out again. I need to grant myself the space to process these emotional hurdles in a healthy way, without the pressures of forcing myself to follow any one particular timeframe. Thankfully, though, I have a Netflix subscription and am currently taking each hour as it comes. (Hit me with any recommendations you might have. We can work our way through the weirdness together. I finished watching Marcella in one day, if that helps.)
With all of that said, I am here with one very specific purpose: to draw attention to disability issues in times of crisis. If you have read this far, hopefully you care enough to stick around for this next part, too. Because every day, there is at least some focus on the news about how the current pandemic is affecting the elderly in care homes. Of course, this is a heartbreaking issue that deserves a significant amount of coverage, but let’s not forget that the same problems are also being faced by disabled people of all ages. Not only does this contribute to the narrative that our lives are not important enough to be included within mainstream conversations, but it also makes it harder to access the relevant support.
This felt like an especially timely point to make after the news that Katie Price’s son, Harvey, will soon be moving into residential college. Just like the elderly in care homes, disabled people in assisted living arrangements have also been disproportionately isolated by the pandemic. They are also not currently allowed visits from family and friends, with some of them not always able to understand why this is necessary. Yet, this is rarely recognised within any media coverage. These people’s lives are not a burden and I refuse to let them be forgotten.
Stay home, wear a mask and don’t be a dick. If you want to read more about the realities behind this story, you can do so here.
PS: although this type of living arrangement is not an immediate reality for me, it likely will be at some point in my future, however distantly. It is nothing to be ashamed of and does not make me any less of a whole human being. Also, to the reader that wanted to know my Starbucks coffee order: I’m more of a hot chocolate gal. xxx